An apology

Hi Lurkerites,

Till next Tuesday or so I am not doing the Lurker. For once work has to take priority to me lurking. As you can see I have to turn all these very important dials and such.



I am very sorry if I have disappointed you but I promise when things get back to normal I will have even more cra......fantastic stuff for you to see. Until then I will be going deep undercover with my disguise.

Sincerely,

The Internet Lurker

Don't Passover this music video

I am a media whore.

I will say anything. I will do anything. I will even think anything. 

Who am I? 

Why I am Sarah Palin of course. 

She just signed on for a reality show on Discovery Channel (a million an episode) while also being a commentator on the fair and balanced fox news channel. 

Gee whiz I can't wait to see her in commercials for douche talking about how she feels unclean. Ya know down there.

Sarah the Lurker thinks you are the very best at what you do (comedy-wise) but sometimes too much of a good thing is just sickening. 

Oh yes the Lurker also has scorn and hatred for what used to be a good channel. Discovery and most of the niche channels suck for losing thier way. STOP IT!! and get back to what you used to do. You know inform people.

Good music never dies but it might be suicidal

Signed band looking for...... (Toronto)
Date: 2010-03-18, 10:28PM EDT
Reply to: comm-9xcnp-1650741232@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Recently my whole band committed suicide at a live show. So I'm trying to bring back our band The Bee Toes, we are still currently signed. So if I can get a band together we'll be back on tour ASAP.

Requirments for band members;
-Non-suicidal (a must)
-Hate people
-Like animals
-Pee sitting down and or up
-Not be in my band already

Viva La France

* Location: Toronto
* it's NOT ok to conta

Oi, can I eat this fella?

This is one of those things you read and really really hope it is made up. It is straight out of Silence of the Lambs. Read the article here.

Spider-man makes it look easy

The Lurker used to watch his nephew the Skulker do this all the time. Very short and very funny.

This seems legit

Need 2 premoters, 2 cooks, 1 doctor and 4 strong men: Exp. Spacecraft
Date: 2009-10-22, 4:22PM EDT

I am in the final stages of completing an experimental space craft. This ship is a top secret project that has been worked on since the 1890s, passed on from generation to generation and will be a major turning point in the world's history.

I am in no position at all to discuss the technology behind this craft because the technology is HIGHLY classified and we can't afford to have any military or government officials find out.

We will be conducting our first test flight this December. We will be conducting a multitude of tests at various altitudes. The first test will be a few hundred feet, few thousand feet than sub atmosphere level. The final test will be conducted on March 25th, between Montreal and Mars. The trip will take about 2 hours there and back.

The technology we use to hide the ship is advanced stealth technology.

--

We need the following crew members to help us in the preliminary tests of the craft.

- 2 promoters. You will be needed to promote the ship
- 1 doctor. We have our own doctor on the team but we need 1 more.
- 2 cooks. We need cooks for the test flights.
- 4 strong men. General laborers to help in the cargo bay.

--

All interested candidates will have to go through a very complex process. You will be sworn to secrecy and live in our compound until the ship is revealed in March 2010 on Mount Royal.

Please apply now!

Rug!?

Jedi babies must be stopped

Lucas has lost his freakin mind. The new three movies suck. I will give credit where it's due. The clone wars cartoon is decent enough but the babifying of characters is a terrible idea. 

Check this link to read more.

Also this picture is the saddest thing the Lurker has ever seen. 

Everybody has their thing

OK wow...just wow!

lookin for help with home castration (winnipeg)
winnipeg craigslist > jobs > healthcare jobs
hello A/all..i am lookin for some body who can help me with a full castration [ testicals/sack]...to preform at home...plzz only seroius replies

Delicious and disturbing

Here is short story on a one year old happy meal. Freaky stuff. 

It's not creepy as you'd think...

Doesn't sound like a bad place for the right person that is.

Free Rent for Female Who Can Stand It (Off the 105 frwy)
Los angeles craigslist > central LA > housing > rooms & shares
Hello people!! Im currently an apprentice at a mortuary and I have a room in the building that I want someone to share with me. It's not creepy as you'd think but I'm honestly uneasy about staying there by myself at night so I want someone to share it with me.Looking for someone who is gone during the day because the place is open for business during the day.Great for someone who just needs a place to crash at night. About me I'm a 21yr old female, down to earth, drug free (you too!!), and I like to have fun. If you're interested shoot me an email with a pix and a phone number. Hope to hear from you soon!!!

Now here's a niche

A new website has come on the scene to highlight a rare problem for women. The "condition" is called Lazer Tits. Unfortunately for some women light beams will shoot out of their nipples. This as you may think causes disruptions. Here is the link to see all the worrisome photos. 

Spooky

Recently Mrs. Lurker stood outside of her classroom and stood dressed as a ninja just because she could. Here we see an equally strange idea. Hanging out in a lobby dressed as a creepy ghost girl.

free lepercon

The Lurker found this a while ago. Unfortunately this Craigslist ad is no more but you can still get a kick out of it. 

free lepercon (new bedford)
from craigslist | free stuff in south coast
Well i have a lepercon.. He is approx 3 feet 2 in. Tall.. He has alot of gold. Yes hes a real lepercon... he jus pisses me off.. He dont sleep.. He only eats green food..... please get him off my hands .. Am willin to pay 10 $ to who ever wants him.. Pik up only email...

We say a big goodbye to a little man

The world's shortest man, Pingping, has died at the age of 21

spearms?

I bet this guy will have no issue finding a mate. I mean based on his educational level alone he seems like a winna! 

What the hell is a playground instructor? 

Looking for women who loves get pregant - 26 (Latrobe)
pittsburgh craigslist > personals > missed connections
I am tired finding a right girl who want to settle down and get married and have kids. I love kids. I used to be a playground instructor back when I was in my college years. All my friends and family (brothers and cousins) already have children and I am only one who dont have any children. Seem no one willing have one with me. I already donated my spearm but I wont even know if that I already have kids or not. So I am trying to find a women who loves get pregant and kept in touch with me til the baby is ready to be born. So I can have custody or if you want we can have a joint custody if you want to keep the baby full time and I have it on weekends or twice a week or something. I am sure we all can work something out!!! Email me and let me know and if you do email me and place this in the subject line LOVES GET PREGANT! So i know you from this site and you are not fake/spam.

The best idea ever

I am not sure who made this but they deserve praise for their wonderfully simple idea.

You know what that means...

The Lurker laughed for a while with this video.

Been Busy

Sorry to all the Lurkerites but I have been busy and the pickings have been slim. Thankfully I just bought enough Jew coke to recharge my batteries for another year. Also since my computer died it has been a true pain in the neck but I must say I am reading a lot more.

Now if you will forgive the Lurker I must go do what I do best....Lurk.

Maybe the Lurker should switch eye doctors

Meanwhile at the burn...

This last weekend we went over as a big ole group and helped out a friend clearing out the brush which turned out to be mainly wild rose which had thorns as big as your little finger. Here's some of the photos from the aftermath.

Cats with lightsabers

Recently the Lurker was asked what would make youtube better. Here was my response. 

Now that's a laugh

And then there was one

Corey Haim overdosed today and died. 

The Lurker wishes to make it known that although his movies were cheesy he enjoyed the hell out of them as a kid. From Lost Boys to License to Drive. 

Well they know what they want

seems like a good idea and I do so love Ann Arbor. Nah, the Lurker is too busy Lurking.
Wanted-- babysitter for druggies
Date: 2009-12-04, 11:59PM EST

My boyfriend and I like to experiment with various recreational chemicals, but sometimes when we're coming down (like now) we don't want to go out, but we really really really want some sort of obscure, horrible fast food item. We used to have a friend that would bring us stuff and not expect much in return, but he moved away. We would like a replacement for him. We don't want to DO drugs with you, but we are perfectly willing to hook you up or bake you cookies (when we're sober) or listen to you whine about how no girls like you (as our old Tender of the Druggies did). We don't want you to stay overly long, either. Bring us stuff, chill for maybe fifteen minutes (longer if we aren't obviously exchanging looks or hinting about how tired we are or how NO WE DO NOT WANT A CUDDLE THREESOME), be on your way. We are chill people and really would like to be your friend, but this works better if you are some sort of unlikable loser, eager to please and be accepted, have lots of spare time and few friends, and are socially retarded in some other manner-- thus you are fine with an abusive, exploitative relationship of you fetching us NOMS.

Anyway, hunger is becoming a serious problem after all this 2c-i so we are off to fix that. Please let us know if you would like to assist us with this endeavor in the future. We are conveniently located in downtown Ann Arbor.

Nacah is Hebrew.... for adventure.

* Location: ann arbor

Aaaargh you getting what you pay for?

The Lurker may have pirated some movies. I say may. This link is a good reason why people pirate movies instead of buying a DVD. It drives me nuts that you pay money for a DVD and are treated like you did something wrong with all the warnings not to mention the inability to skip through commercials and previews. Sometimes a VHS copy is still the best. All I have to do is hit fast forward. 

Maybe it's time to start treating customers like the loyal users and buyers that they are. 

There is strange and then there is freakin strange

The video is called Dog syndrome. What you are about to see cannot be unseen.

Very very dumb

This is why the Lurker gets his news from NPR

The Lurker might hire this guy

hipster house cleaner (H st NE)
Like most hipsters I spend my time being totally ironic and getting seriously awesome. I recently lost my job being hella tight, looking sweet while hanging out in American Apparel and started a business cleaning houses and doing chores. I offer services that are so basic it's almost not funny; except it is, because while you're at work you can think about how badass I'm being at your house. You can rest easy with the fact that a sweet dude in skinny jeans is totally taking out the garbage and cleaning your toilet etc. + If you tip me a 6er of PBR I'll totally update your iTunes collection with the freshest jams so you can impress your friends with your newfound musical knowledge.

More secret menus

A while back the Lurker posted a link about secret menus at fast food chains. Now an additional list has come out. Check em out. 

well done Old Spice

Here is a fantastic commercial from Old Spice. Very well done. Make sure you turn the volume up for this.

The best clock ever

No time for a good picture to go with it. Just check the link for the coolest clock ever

Unarius Academy of Science

Today I give you a gift. When the Lurker was on vacation we stopped of at the Unarius Academy of Science. We look for this sort of thing all the time. Now I know I had mentioned this before but the video and pictures I give you today are the ultimate awesomeness. Take some time this weekend and watch the psychodrama play out. Truly it has all the greatness of bad sci-fi from the seventies. Trust the Lurker on this. Enjoy.

Oh yes all the pictures are from the inside of the Academy. The one of the woman is one of their founders in all her glory. The one with the flamingos is from the inside of their sanctuary. It was painted by the reincarnated DaVinci. Yep....Yep....uh..huh

Craigslist + life = difficulties

Not really sure why I found this funny but I do.

Oh Also check the picture closely. 

eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!

You picked up my dryer tonight... (Westland)
I live on Avondale, a man in a red truck came by and picked up my dryer that died, as my dad was taking it outside. I was inside dealing with my friend that lost her toenail due to the dryer falling on it. Well obviously with that drama I didn't have time to think. But then I realized my clothes are still in there! Not just any clothes, my nursing tank tops, nursing shirts, and all of my jeans. :( If you picked up my dryer could you please contact me. I really need my clothes back please.

* Location: Westland

NSFW but damn funny

The Lurker loves Remi. He is the world's most entertaining prankster. Here he takes on hunting.

A great post about rancid coffee

Check this site to see how far Starbucks will go to make their customers happy.

May be the best comment ever

The Lurker received this on his video yesterday and had a good chuckle. Below is the comment.

The "boy" in the video is me...I thought I had succesfully destroyed all copies of this video...where did you get this from??? and i'm not special needs btw lol from darena917

Anybody need some D&D stuff?

The Lurker needs to pay for his new computer after the last one died of old age leaking out the back. Anyway I put up some Dungeons and Dragons stuff for sale on eBay. If you need some or know someone who does point them to this link. Makes a lovely birthday gift. Ok maybe not but look I got merch to move here.

To the right are a species known as the gamer geek. I, sigh, am one of them. Well actually no not literally but i am like them. 

Did you say free shipping?

The Lurker loves this sort of crap. Everytime I go to NYC I collect as many tracts as possible. They make great reads on the way home. Crazy people write the best stuff.

I guess I should say this was in my RSS feed this morning.

FREE CHRISTIAN LITERATURE FOR THE LOST & BACKSLIDERS GOING TO HELL (FREE SHIPPING)
Date: 2010-03-02, 6:23PM EST
Reply to: sale-wfj3k-1625602958@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Their are to many people that call themselves Christians and are going to HELL because they are living in Sin. If you are committing sin and not repenting and turning from your wicked ways you will go to Hell. God is very serious about this statement. If you watch and worship Television that is sin. Sin will take you to Hell. You need to be praying for the lost and witnessing to those that are lost. We can send you some of our Free Christian Materials, we have booklets, tracts for passing out, cassette tapes, VHS tapes, Dvd's and Cd's. Just send us your address. My e-mail is newbeginnings81@yahoo.com our website is http://www.aggressivechristianity.net Thank-you and God Bless your efforts.

Josie and the Thundercats

The Lurker made a mistake in class and called a student Josie and the Thundercats. So I decided to make up the cartoon. I think they could produce this easily with old footage. 

Of course Snarf would play tambourine

Yes I've been naked on camera. What of it?

Still sexy creature was spotted in a window lounging and catching the last of the day's sun in San Diego's Old Town. He really could use a pencil thin mustache.

The tag line should be if you got it might as well flaunt it. 

Sometimes you just know you're overweight

You might be tempted to give up on the video early but it is at least moderately funny. It really needs some music like the elephant walk or something. Ya that's it hum that while watching

This may be the funniest pun ever!

Putin on the Ritz......hahahahahahahahahaha

See what Palin has done

I need a great actor (to act retarded) (Scottsdale)

So I was at a bar with a few friends and a bunch of their friends whom I did not know. We were talking about this whole Palin/Downs syndrome thing and I may have made some off color comments, which I really do regret wholeheartedly. When one of my friends' friends called me out on said off color remarks- I froze up. They started to tear into me (rightfully so), and I did the only thing I could think of- claim to have a retarded sister. I know this is painfully shameful, but I need someone to act retarded for one night. Not like 'I was so drunk I was retarded' retarded, but like 'I am actually retarded' retarded. I'll of course pay you, and match your salary with a donation to some special charity or something. Just one night - $150.

If I hire you, just one request. Don't look me in the eye, I just can't take it at this point. Also you have to be really into giraffes because I said something about that too. I don't know, I just couldn't shut up.

-ryan

Religious tolerance

Check the two pictures on this site to see a good Christian turning the other cheek.

Someone needs to be killed

Whoever the inventor is needs to be brought into the street and dealt with.