This was going to wait but ...

The Lurker was going to wait to put this up in honor of my friends wedding but I really couldn't. It truly is a lovely wedding video. Don't give up to soon.

Catchy and it makes sense

The Lurker is not a beer drinker but this could be a good idea.

...and eat HO-Hos

WTF!

The Lurker wants to be a fry cook on Venus

After reading all that I wrote today The Lurker realized it was Friday and these were heavy subjects for an oncoming weekend. So here is what I propose. Just before you are about to leave today turn your speakers up, click this to full screen, and dance around like an idiot. You will feel so much better.

Trust The Lurker

nononononononononononono

Here is an article the Lurker thinks you should read.

Mrs. Lurker and I watched the State of the Union and we thought it was a very good speech. I believe if you watched it you would have to agree even if you not supportive of all the ideas. Unfortunately we live in a world of 4 year olds stamping their feet with fingers in their ears yelling LALALALALA I'm not listening.

Even when Bush gave the SOTU we watched it and disagreed with what we said but we at least gave him the chance to win us over. So very sad. 

The Audience of No

from Political Irony by Iron Knee

I keep giggling over the latest post from Andy Borowitz:

Instant Poll: 90% of Republicans Who Did Not See Obama’s Speech Disagree With It

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address has already gotten a big thumbs-down from one key group of voters: Republicans who did not see the speech.

According to an instant poll conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, 90 percent of Republicans who did not see the President’s speech strongly disagreed with it.

Additionally, 95 percent of Republicans polled agreed with the statement, “If I had seen the President’s speech, I’ll bet I would have hated it even more.”

Davis Logsdon, who supervised the poll, said there were certain difficulties in polling Republican voters: “Many of them would not let us finish asking the question before answering ‘No.’”

you people are so lazy

Last night I sat and had a drink at the bar. While there I saw a commercial from Catholics come home site and was stunned. I tried to find the exact commercial but alas it was not to be. However I did find another that is equally good. 

Apparently when you die you get to watch movies. This is going to be sweeeet. The Lurker loves movies. In the video they tell that you will be judged by the bad things you've done and the good things. You get to see it all. (insert typical porn music here) I watched the whole thing and came away with one basic idea. If you are a deusch your entire life and then accept a zombie that was nailed to wood you will be forgiven. Now they don't seem to mention apologizing or making amends to the people they wronged but i am sure god will sort that out later. At least the Latter day saints had kids making pizzas for old lonely women.

Here is the video. Man I can't wait to watch my movie. I hope they have good sound and popcorn. I mean movie popcorn. Not just something you make in the nuker. Of course this all seems to take place in a wharehouse. Huh!? You would think god could get some nice seats. Oh well. 

Shit! I just realized it will be hours and hours of me just lurking through the internet. 

Might as well give you one more from people who believe strange things. The website from the Heaven's Gate cult. Yes the ones that all took their lives still lives on. It is a memorial to that era of the web. Give it a click. It is like the old abandon house at the end of the block that people do not walk in front of.

Morning at the Lurkers

Just thought I would share a snapshot of the morning with the Lurker's. Here is Eli our demonic cat sitting next to a fake rubber chicken and my recipe book. I took this while Mrs. Lurker was running through the house looking for a hat with horns to bring to school. She decided on three different ones. A tricorne, a military peak hat and the found knit cap with horns that says sinister. 

Just another day in normalcy at the Lurkers.

Not to get sappy but I like it this way.

Additional note: Check this site for some awesome hats. The lurker needs some of these. 

huh?

This morning I sat reading the rest of a book I have to do a lecture on this Saturday. As I sat engrossed in the book, in a coffee shop, I just happen to see this guy come plodding by the window. The Lurker leapt to his feet to grab a photo for the Lurkerites. The photo is of a man in skintight leotards with cross country ski poles walking down the sidewalk. Oh yes one tiny detail, two actually. He has two tires, no rims, tied to him. The rope went around his back and the tires just dragged on down the street behind him. 

The longer the Lurker lives the stranger he finds life. Or maybe it is life that is normal but he is just seeing strange visions. 

Head towards the light Samantha Baker

Yes, Yes, Yes the Lurker knows Howard Zinn died but what about Zelda Rubinstein? She died yesterday at 72. She was the diminutive lady that added just that bit of high pitched strangeness to movies. You know her famous line from Poltergeist but I liked her better in Sixteen Candles. She for some unexplained reason would jingle when she walked in that movie. She was in a ton of other stuff as well but I just wanted to say thank you for playing your small part in some movies I love. 

To quote her last line in Sixteen Candles. "I need a drink."

It just makes you feel better

Mrs. Lurker's new favorite

Last night we watched the very cute movie Ponyo. At the very end the Ponyo theme song spills forth and Mrs. Lurker was suddenly enamored of it. 

As the Lurker got out of the shower this morning he heard blasting from the other room the same theme song. So I figure I might as well share it with you.

Enjoy 

This was shown during Glenn Beck

The Lurker is starting to see why these people are so scared everyday when this is the type of commercials they see.

What sort of Job do you need lotion for?

Hmmmmmm? The Lurker came across this at a local Building 19. 

a WTF iPhone app

The text says something like "so it has been a long stressful day how about some tea baggin?" huh WHAT? click the link and be surprised. It is sfw but it still doesn't make any friggin sense. The more time I spend online the more the Lurker is confused.

Daad Gammut!!!! Oh Shoot!!!

Welcoming to fishing shows bloopers

Why isn't there a Superhero Craigslist?

Is the movie Kickass going to cause a lot more of these types of listings

Male Villain Seeking Female Arch-Enemy - m4w - 21 (Lafayette, LA)
lafayette craigslist > personals > strictly platonic
Howdy, I'm looking for a deadly vixen to do battle with on a weekly basis. We could meet in parks, rooftops, on the top of a moving train, on top of a moving truck, on top of anything really. My last arch-enemy found a new villain to fight when she decided beating me was too easy =(. I'm looking for someone strong, but not too strong. If you're about Buffy strong, you're too strong, but if you're about Sailor Mercury strong, that's too weak. Costumes are a plus and bring a group if you want, but no more than 3 because there's a difference between losing a battle and just straight up getting jumped. Should we ever have a common greater foe, I'm all for teaming up, but just that one time. Please respond soon, I'm so out of practice. I don't even have any putties to fight.

They do animal testing right in Japan

How in the hell did I miss this?

A 300 pound woman sat on her boyfriend to death. Yes that's right she suffocated him. WTF

Finally a person talking sense

Don't be put off by the video. The last guy interviewed has important info. 

The Lurker has tentacles

Shudder...scratch Sydney off the Lurker's list

The Lurker is frightened of one of nature's lurkers the spider. This freaked me out.  Read this rather horrific story of the Killer Funnel Web Spider showing up in droves in Sydney, Australia. The Lurker will wait till this is over to visit.

Oh Yes one other thing, people are capturing samples so they can be milked for antidote. Gag, shudder.......shiver

Meanwhile here is Paul Hogan trying to entice you otherwise. 

Why are the dead so hungry?

In the last couple of months the list of people who made major contributions to food have passed on to the great cafeteria in the sky. Why now? I sense conspiracy.

• Taco Bell creator who is actually named bell.
• The creator of the Quarter Pounder and Fillet o Fish
• The Spaghetti O's inventor
• The cup of noodles inventor
• The creator of Oscar Meyer wiener
• The guy who started Ben's Chili Bowl in Washington.
• Founder of Goya foods
• The person who came up with putting heads on Pez. I know but it is food related and made them taste sweeter when they popped out of spider-man's trachea
  

They could have warned him

So a camera guy sets up to do a report about iced sidewalks. Do they stop people and warn them? You already know the answer.

It made the Lurker laugh

Officially freaked out

Shrunken Pet Head Amulet
Have the love of your life by your heart forever. I will shrink your pets head to the size of an amulet. You can then wear it on a chain or leather strip and have them by your heart forever. I can give you more details if you would like, just ask. Freeze the head for later or I can do it with a freshly removed head. Final results vary depending on size of pet as well as hair length. ALL this for a small fee of $100 or trades considered.

Sigh.....

Catchy and it made me happy

Today seems so bland and blah that the Lurker figured we need a bit of a pick me up. Enjoy the Eric the squid spinner.

This will burn into your eyes forever

Life is better with the Weekly World News

The Lurker enjoyed reading this wonderfully trashy photoshopped menagerie whenever I was at the grocery. I was frankly saddened when they ended the print edition. However I am so glad it is archived for all to see on Google Books. Check it out.

I don't know ZOO

One of the best photo lists of strange zoo signs the Lurker has found.

The last line is the best

To the Woman that Crapped in My Car - m4w - 37 (Omaha/CB)
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at The Dubliner drinking a stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Go on up ye bald head

Hmmm I wonder if they have that bRoll?

The first cut is always the deepest. YAY!!!!

Apparently the video is from  TOKYO GORE POLICE; a horror (and slight comedy) film from Japan.

This made the Lurker laugh

I do love a good blooper but even better is when a person trying to be professional loses it. 

This definitely surprised the Lurker

Don't stop after two seconds. Watch the whole commercial for the full WTF effect. Tenga Eggs? What th hell?

Much sadness today

Seriously I wouldn't touch one can of Spaghetti Os today but as a kid I was all over the yummy tomatoey goodness. The Lurker would even travel with a can just in case he got hungry.  

Today we mourn the passing. Also I include a great O's commercial. You can almost make out the string.

Wis. man who created Spaghetti Os dies

DELRAN, N.J. -- The Campbell Soup Co. executive who was behind the enduring brands Spaghetti Os and Chunky Soup has died.

Donald Goerke was 83. A Campbell spokesman confirmed that Goerke died of heart failure Sunday at his home in Delran in southern New Jersey.

Goerke was marketing research director of Campbell's Franco-American line in the early 1960s when his group started dreaming up pasta in shapes that would appeal to kids. He chose the o's. They were marketed with the unforgettable tagline, "Uh-oh, Spaghetti Os."

Later, he helped introduce Chunky Soup, a hearty ready-to-serve soup that stood out from the company's traditional line of condensed soups.

The Waukesha, Wis., native worked for Camden-based Campbell for 35 years, retiring in 1990.

Maybe some nifty Amazon purchases

First did you know you can by Communion Wafers on Amazon? Well then scroll down to Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought. That's the part that is the very best. Apparently a lot of religious folks like to get slippery when wet.

Please do not watch

If you do your mind will just implode. Seriously I am a trained Lurker and I know what I am talking about......ya?

The Missing link has been found

Yeesh!!!!
Hairy Gentleman Seeks FT Groomer (Maui)
Aloha. I am seeking an individual comfortable working around a person who is a little on the hairy side. Must be skilled in full body shampooing and conditioning, combing, trimming, and occasional lice control. Thinking about shaving it all off and keeping it shaved so ideal person would have a team of friends to assist in hair control. Only the serious should apply. Gay men ok.

Bloody good time!

It took the Lurker a very long time but he finally made it to the big time. I donated three gallons of blood on Saturday and get a plaque on the wall at the hospital with the other bleeders. In the Pic you see a patient Blood Bank Pat with the happy Lurker munching away on Pepperidge Farm cookies. I have a very good time when I am there. I once told a job interview that one of my hobbies were giving blood. Amazingly I still got the job.

Shoot them in the middle of his face

The Lurker is not a car guy but this has to be not only the best car review ever but also the most entertaining. Hell watching this makes me want to run out and buy one. It's long but totally worth it. 

Ban that shit

Seriously this report should not come as a freakin surprise. If states and the President want to make us healthier start with banning HFC. The video is a propaganda piece from a while back. The Lurker was still seething months later.

How about we start boycotting everything, I mean everything that has HFC. No really start today. sign the petition at the bottom.

Study reports fructose damages metabolism
Fructose can "damage human metabolism and is fuelling the obesity crisis," reports the Times. Scientists found that cheap fructose syrup may cause "the disruption of mechanisms that instruct the body whether to burn or store fat."

Sign the petition to ban HFC 

Beware of the cute

He is just lulling you into a cuteness coma and then he will strike.

What I am articulating is that the um...

Is it the Lurker's Birthday? Oh my Sarah Palin on Fox news!!!!! It will be like a gift everyday. Oh my!! I JUST can't freakin wait.

 

Who isn't ?

Found on craigslist. Yep no surprise there. 

Looking for a jedi

Hello, I am in desperate need of a jedi knight for reasons I cannot disclose in public, serious responses only please.

The pic is unrelated and frightening 

People are waitin' on their checks!!!

Now that's a commercial. 

That is a spicy beach-a-ball

They do grow 'em bigger in texas. Watch the largest beach ball on the planet. We may not be able to solve other problems but we can make a beachball really really big.

Holy hole in a donut!

Every Holy from Robin from the first season of Batman and Robin. They are all awful.

Sometimes a drive thru just won't do

What is a CL man?

No seriously I have no idea.What does CL stand for?
This was under Women Seeking Men. Does seem quite promising for some Lurkerite. 

Where is my Stalker Already? - 30 (van with no windows down my street)

Hi all you hot cl men. If you clicked on this posting you're probably bored and in need of some well deserved excitement in your life. Why not consider me, your very own stalker victim, to harass me every waking hour and put that missing element of unpredictability back into my routine. Please be loyal, earnest, resourceful, and according to your PO officer basically harmless. Prefer at least 6' tall when not crouched behind bushes, have a normal inconspicuous build, and a sweet easy-going slightly scary quiet way about you that's really very charming after the first couple breakins.

of course your victim is sexy, fun and single

This made the Lurker actually LOL

A British health club had a tongue in cheek promotion that said that when Aliens landed they would eat the fatties first. Read the story here.

A breast implant recall

No don't poke them. Watch until the end

One last present to unwrap

I am just going to give you the link because the text is so freakin long but worth it. It is a nice video of a family unwrapping all the gifts that Santa is giving out. Oh one other tiny extra, one of the family members is caught stealing a gift. The text really is a long read but the Christmassy responses from the family make everything worth it. 

Creeps the Lurker out

The Lurker is not fond of the sea. It has creepy things in there best left to my nightmares. Most of the scary fish are real. Here is one from the imaginative side that may or may not be real. The only thing that the Lurker can tell you is that I am not going to go find out. Click here to find a bunch on the Ningen. 

Star Wars Stuck

Found this on an old Betamax tape last night. Great footage of C-3PO conducting the Boston Pops. Also you get to see R2D2 have a bit of trouble navigating the stage. 

something good for your self esteem

Dating and social network site BeautifulPeople.com has axed some 5,000 members following complaints that they had gained weight. 

Click here for the complete story. 

Never forget Keanu

Check out this wonderful and touching blog praising the great Keanu Reeves. The blog feels every movie is better with the one so they are editing him into a ton of movie posters.

He is the one!!!

Seriously fox?

Why the hell?... Hume tells viewers that Tiger Woods needs to become a Christian to be forgiven. 

Dig there me thinks

Mental floss has a great article on lost treasures. The Lurker has always wanted a high end metal detector for finding lost items. There is something both so dorky and awesome about those devices. Also if you want to metal detect without looking too dorky you could try these. The blog reviewing them does not think to highly of them though.

The new child diet

This morning I was going through ads and saw this lovely image telling the Lurker how to drop those extra pounds. Apparently there is a celebrity secret. As you can see from the picture the secret is to have a child. Well I guess that leaves the Lurker out.

The Lurker would go with any of these people

This is from one of the commenters:

"Glenn Beck tried to do this to me back in 1990. Fortunately however I knew what he did to that little girl and I ran away screaming."

I suddenly need Mexican food

A freakin wonderful commercial

Shiver

It's a joke right? I mean it has to be but then again why would you even write this?!?

Ever eat your scabs, or make someone else eat em? NEW

Use to as kids. I use to get major scabs on my legs and scrotum from scratching poison ivy.
It was rather amusing to be ahead of people online for lunch in school as I could scratch almost a handful of scabs pretty much undetected. When I got up to say the soup, I would discretely drop the scabs in the soup. Found it hilarious that others were eating my scrotum infected poison ivy scabs and I actually stroked myself at home thinking about it :) does it make me wierd?

The sweet embrace of new music

Every year the Lurker waits and waits for the Australian radio station Triple J to put out their list of best music. On January 17th the Ozzies vote on their favorites of last year. The great thing is that you have a lot of bands that are popular every where else but in the US. You get introduced to some fantastic stuff. Now you could wait like I do and see what comes up in their top 100 or you can see what they are voting on. Click here for the station or click here for the PDF list.

mmmmmmmmmmmmm sweet music

A cross between a rape scene and Totoro

One of the strangest commercials the Lurker has ever seen. 

more from my homes boy

Driving by our local theater Mrs. Lurker and I saw the wondrous spelling of Sherlock HoLmes. 

The Lurker wants one

When we first moved into our current house I would glue silver dollars down to the sidewalk and just hangout on the porch. Someone one would eventually steal but I got my money's worth. This however is even better. For 20 bucks you can get your own dummy iphone. Who doesn't want one of these? 

Here is a video of people doing the glue thing in NYC

It will hit you....with a spoon

So long even the trailer is 10 minutes

We can't even get our cat to stop peeing in the tub

and this farmer potty trained his pigs. 

Feel the burn!

For those with New Year's resolutions of losing wieight here is a parrot you need to hire for your workouts.