Happy New Year!!!

This is most horrible

Sorry no New Year's Eve stuff. The Lurker just plain doesn't care..

I should say if you make it through this you are both a winner and a loser.

The Lurker wears asbestos pants

This made me laugh

A clear, rigid feminine pleasure device

Woman arrested for assault on cop with dildo
A woman charged with attacking a Gurnee police officer with a sex toy was arrested Tuesday afternoon on a $75,000 warrant, according to jail officials.

Lake County Judge Brian Hughes issued the bench warrant on Dec. 23 when Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, didn’t appear for a hearing on an aggravated assault charge related to the alleged attack.
She’s accused of charging toward an officer with a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device,” according to a police report.
Bildsten’s attorney, Melissa Wach, told Judge Hughes that Bildsten had been contacted the previous night as a reminder of the 9 a.m. court date, and had “no information as to her whereabouts.” Wach did not return calls for comment.
An officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Gurnee Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick.
Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the sex toy. The officer deflected the device with his hand, and was not injured.
Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten was scheduled to appear in court on on The Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.
Bildsten remained in Lake County Jail early Wednesday morning, and was set to appear in court later the same day.
From

Review of PEZ dispenser goes awesome

Officially the coolest Gingerbread house ever!

Mutitasker Master

Perfect for today

The Lurker may have posted this a while back but it seemed perfect for a repeat. I do wish it had the benny hill theme playing.

NO SANTA NOOOOOO!

Merry Christmas Everyone

Merry Christmas . Drink em up boys and girls!

A little something to get you in the holiday mood

Rare Exports, A Christmas Tale

You want a Christmas tale that is not sugary sweet or predictable? The the Lurker has a treat for you. Go to your computer right now. Right, right, you are reading this on the computer. Anyway look up Rare Exports and see if there is a local theater near you that is playing it then rush to it and get your popcorn ready for a wonderful movie. The Lurker really wants to tell you more but he shouldn't. I can say maybe don't bring the young kids. You will find this, not at the big theaters, but the local small venues that play the more art house movies. They're usually cooler anyway.
You don't trust the Lurker after all time we've spent together? Alright here is a link to the trailer. Ugh you can be such a bitch. Well whatever you do don't tell anyone you're going with what the movie is about. Just tell them its a Christmas movie and leave it at that.
Also I should say the trailer is wholly misleading. I forgot to mention it is in Finish so if you are illiterate don't go, but then again if you're illiterate how are you reading this?
Just go and see it. Trust the Lurker my dear Lurkerites.
Let me know how you like it.

Oh the pain!

Giggle

Yes I do think she likes this.

This has to be the least sexy porn

WHY? WHY would you make this? WHY?

Also Lee must be beaten for the "special effects"

You got Fiddler served

This guy made this for his Intermediate Editing class. It is his first attempt at a trailer mashup. This cam out freakin awesome.

A repost, One of the Lurker's favorites

To be serious for a moment

I know this blog is devoted to wasting time but this interview by Jon Stewart with the first responders to the attack on 9-11 and their opinion on the congress.

Please repost this or send this to your representatives. 

You should know this horribly sad and upsetting before you watch it.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
9/11 First Responders React to the Senate Filibuster
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog</a> The Daily Show on Facebook

The Lurker wants this but he's not a Christian

baby marmoset monkeys for adoption
from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island
baby marmoset monkeys for adoption

My husband pastor David William and I , are giving out out cute baby marmosets for adoption to any christian , pet loving and caring family no matter where ever they might be. our babies are house raised, diaper trained, leash trained , wears clothes and likes to lay around, watch TV and take snaps with you. please contact for more information on these babies . they are vaccinated, obedient, intelligent, acrobatic, ve

Wow this makes me feel sane

This woman's cup of crazy runneth over. Now that her prophecy has not come to pass, I wonder what she thinks now. 

Sometimes you just have to have ice cream

Armed man commandeered Mr Whippy van, court told

A knife-wielding man commandeered a Mr Whippy van and hurled ice creams at passersby, a court has been told.
Joseph David Banks, 21, pleaded guilty in Hastings District Court this week to a raft of charges including threatening to kill, resisting police, disorderly behaviour and possession of an offensive weapon. He was remanded for sentencing tomorrow.

Banks, heavily intoxicated and armed with a butcher's knife, threatened the life of a woman holding her young child in Outram Rd, Hastings, before climbing into a nearby Mr Whippy truck, Hawke's Bay Today reported.
He then proceeded to make himself ice creams and hurled them at people on the footpath.
When police arrived he refused to be handcuffed and resisted arrest until back-up arrived.
Due to his level of intoxication he was unable to be interviewed at the time.

- NZPA

This girl is cooler than the Lurker

From one of my favorite bands, cake

When the terrorists win...

It's in your hands

At home the Lurker has a collection of educational filmstrips that we trot out at parties and make up our own dialogue. I like the idea but it comes off as just mildly entertaining.

JUST WOW!!!

This may very well be both the best and the worst the net has to offer.

Sometimes you gotta love the sympathy of the net

single mom needs help (providence)

from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island
hi i am a single mom of 3boys and i jest had a new baby boy 2 weeks ago and i have a 18 month old and a 3 year old i jest got a new apt for me and my sons i work but all my money goes on rent and bills i am try to find my kids dad but he took off and i am try but i dont have a lot i need thing for my boys so if you can help me email me and i will get back to you thank you all

RE: single mom needs help (providence)
from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island
Help her to spell.

I once got angry at Subway

Years ago the Lurker went into a Subway with his good friend Colin to get a sandwich and I asked for olvies and got two stinkin' olives on it. I was pissy and whiny all day. Yes I was angry about olives. Dumb thing I know.
This guy seems a bit angrier about things than the Lurker.

Make Every Day Christmas

So very disturbing.

Make Every Day Christmas - watch more funny videos

That would be one answer I guess

The bigman tells you how it was

I am getting a feeling this man may very well be a fan of Quaaludes. Not 100% sure. You decide. 

The Lurker may be in FUCKin' love, if you kno what I mean

Anyone that can pull off an impersonation like this is 100% awesome in my book. I love that it's not just a voice but a full on, neck tilting, eye flexing, shoulder upping impersonation. The Lurker loves to do stupid voices and mannerisms but this woman is a professional. If you see here shake her hand and tell I am a fan.

Found this at ToysRus

The Lurker is not the best photoshopper but I shot I might try my hand at altering this lovely product.

These guys are both dicks and my hero

The Lurker must first say I find these guys not the brightest. You have to understand if you pull of a prank thier are consequences and you must accept them for doing what you do. I can't really tell if they are feaing anger or not so...well...enjoy.

I do love this idea!

Holy Crap!

This may be the first time I wished I lived in the UK or Poland or Ireland or South Africa. The reason is the Flush Tracker. It is a site that allows you to pop in your last movement and watch where it goes. Many friends have told me that besides kids I talk more about poo than anyone else.  Here is a great review of the service. The Lurker hopes beyond hopes that I can give a shit to this site.
A big thanks to Ben for this wonderful site.

GIVE IT TO ME!

The Lurker is so ready to go out drinkin' with this guuuuyyy, hiccup 

What the fuck has Obama done so far?

Yes another rant. 
Read it at your peril!

OK for the billionth time I have read something where people are bitching about Obama. Stop it. You all have become the type of people I hate. You only like it either when he is doing your bidding or the popular fervor is high. I respect the man for compromise and his long game. Does he get everything that he/we want, NO but he is getting stuff done. Stop being a little bitch and asking what have you done for me lately. Not sure if you remember a little thing called health care. No one has ever been able to pass this but many have tried or wanted to. I am a big believer that if he is one term president that gets good stuff done so be it. How about supporting him because he needs it and he was your choice for president. He does not operate in a vacuum and needs others to get stuff passed. One of the best comments I read was we elected him president not Christ.
Look at all he has accomplished before you open your freakin mouth. So stop and think before you get upset that everything you want has not been accomplished.
READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ READ
Do not listen to the hype of the news of how disappointed we all are. It still amazes me how many people gave Bush 8 years without complaining what a shit job he did to the country.
I think what I am saying is all summed up perfectly in this website. What the fuck has Obama done so far? Click to see what he has done. 
The Lurker supports President Obama!

Signed,
The Lurker

sorry about your ears

This is just freakin awful. sigh. If you make it through the whole thing get your self an ice cream.
You deserve an award!

A little something to kick start your day off

Here is a video from one of my favorite bands, Streetlight Manifesto. Enjoy!

Well that was misleading or is it?

Still not sure which organ it could be. Liver, kidney, heart...
Free Organ! (westport)
Date: 2010-12-04, 1:08AM EST
Reply to: sale-kk8my-2094241974@craigslist.org

1 organ for free! You will just need to pick it up and haul it off. In good condition, just need a little maintenance and tuning.

* Location: westport
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

The Lurker obsesses over the TSA

I know. I know. I have put a lot of stuff about the TSA and I am sure you are sick of it but I love this stuff. Here is a twofor.
The first one is Adam Savage, of Mythbusters fame, and his penis. You may want to turn the volume down on this one. It is a bit loud.

The other vid is a wonderful news story of what the TSA is all about but from a foreing viwepoint. I love this. It's like sims but awesome.

Want more?

If you need more time wasted become a fan on Facebook or follow the Lurker on Twitter. There is always more being added. Since The Lurker couldn't find an appropriate photo here is a woman and some sausages.

Been saving this for a while

Below is a series of craigslist posts. No links because they have all been flagged. 

I think these guys will be friends. 

Girlfriend... ((providence))

from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island

Kicking my girlfriend to the curb. Found out she has been

cranking my credit card through the roof...and has put alot

of weight on in the old keesta as of late. Time to get something

new. feel free to pick her up. smith hill near dunkin donuts.

RE: Girlfriend... ((providence))
from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island
I'm interested in your girlfriend and I was wondering if you could give me some more information. Other than the problems with the rear end, what kind of condition is she in? Is it all just cosmetic or has she been in some accidents? Is there anything mechanically wrong with her? Does she have a lot of get up and go? Does she stop when she's supposed to? Will she give me a nice smooth ride? Could I take her for a test drive? And just one more question: Has a lot of other people driven her? Let me know and maybe I can take her off your hands tomorrow.

RE ..GIRLFRIEND
from craigslist | free stuff in rhode island
YOUR A PIECE A SHIT WOULD LOVE TO ME YOU,AND SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A SCUM YOU ARE.YOU ARE NOT FUNNY,YOU NEED A GOOD ASS KICKING!!!!!!!!

Time for certain faiths to suck it up already

The Lurker just realized I have this video tape sitting on the shelf. I picked it up at a yard sale and just, well, forgot about it. I love these ideas that Christians are the ones persecuted. Maybe it happens in places outside the US but give me a god damn break. Everywhere you go Jesus and the religion he represents is everywhere. Sorry for the rant but the moment your people are crowded into a building that is then set on fire give me a call. You are not the underdog so SHUT UP and get on with your day. Just because other people, read atheist, Muslims, Jews..., are no longer forced to read, pray believe your brand of religion does not mean you are under attack. It just means others want a bit, just a bit, of representation for once. Removing religion from the schools or off public property is not destroying your faith. Jesus never said be a militant whiny bitch so knock it off. 

OK I feel better now that I got that out. Ah public therapy is lovely.

It's friday and so I over share today

I would like to thank Steph for this video. I know I did another Adam Savage video but the Lurker really enjoyed this. 

I love Jonathan Coulton

Here is another great video with that cool typography style. Enjoy!

A plug for a local Comic con

As a geek I love a good con. Most of the time I am too cheap to fly someplace to go but when it is in my back yard I figure I have to support it. So anyway if you are in Massachusetts, particularly the southcoast. Come on by and hang out with the Lurker. It says if you come in costume they waive the six bucks. Hmm does it count if I goes as the Internet Lurker? Maybe I can find the hat and paint myself blue or would they just think I am an Avatar wannabe?
Here's the Link.

Play this loud and proud!

This is definitely not safe for work unless you have earphones or a really lax policy on swearing. 

The Lurker says if you're gonna swear do it right. This guy is a professional.

Fox news, They make it look easy.

How do you watch Fox news and their faux stupidity for stupidity sake? Duh I am so out of the mainstream I can't even remember the names of what I am talking about. Golly!
UGH! I have no issue if you have a different opinion but don't lie to me about your bias

Parking idiots are pissing the Lurker off!

Made this little PDF for me and you to use to let others know you are not pleased. I would use card stock or anything heavy. Put a stack in your car and safely vent your frustration.

Enjoy.

Signed the Lurker

Don't you touch Dave Barry's junk

This NPR link is wonderful. It is a story from Dave Barry talking about his experience traveling through the airport. The Lurker loves this man

The greatest PSA ever